"The Freedom of a Confession" : Days 4 and 5 of Lent

"When I refused to admit my wrongs, I was miserable, moaning and complaining all day long so that even my bones felt brittle. Day and night, Your hand kept pressing on me. My strength dried up like water in the summer heat; You wore me down." (Psalm 32)

I had a manager named Nick at one of my jobs in High School. Nick took a big risk in hiring me for this job, as I was a teenager with very little sense of direction or responsibility. I learned that he saw a lot of himself in me, and viewed it as a chance to be a positive mentor. He showed me love in many ways, and gave me respect that I most definitely did not deserve. I remember several nights when he had me over to dinner along with his wife and child. Nick also helped me improve my running stride and hurdling technique, as he was an accomplished athlete. At a crucial time in my life, he was one of the finest positive role models I knew.

This was a huge part of why I was miserable at that job. What Nick did not know was that two other employees there manipulated him into hiring me. My job was to organize the stockroom, keeping inventory and tracking all the shipments. It was a strategic position, which is why I was basically recruited by some older, "popular" classmates to be part of a scheme. We sold stolen goods from the store at our school.

After about a year, I had become an expert at hypocrisy. I lied better than I told the truth. I could look my mother straight in her face and tell her that everything was legit. But, like the psalmist wrote, the inner anxiety and guilt was tearing me up. It was getting harder and harder to accept Nick's invitations to hang out. I remember babysitting his son one Saturday morning. This man trusted me with his own child, and behind his back I was doing things that could get him fired! While he was showing me nothing but love, I was conspiring ways to deceive him.

God's "hand was pressing on me" and I tried to stop the system. The others didn't want to quit, and their approval and access were what I chose to pursue. I become craftier. I became even more brazen. I became exactly what Nick what hoping he could influence me away from.

In the Lent for Everyone devotional this weekend, N.T. Wright talks about the tangled web that gets woven in deception:

 Put off the task of confession and the mess will only get worse, leading to all kinds of trouble. But trust in the Lord — and that trust will often begin by trusting him with our saddest and darkest secrets — and we will find his love surrounding us. It's like going outside on the first spring morning where suddenly you realize it's not cold any more. Lent is a time for discipline, for confession, for honesty, not because God is mean or fault- finding or finger-pointing but because he wants us to know the joy of being cleaned out, ready for all the good things he now has in store.

"All kinds of trouble" is quite an underestimate for what happened to me back then. When it all got exposed, and I officially became a juvenile delinquent,  I had to look Nick in the eyes at the police station. He cried that day, in front of everyone. I think he was forced to accept some things he suspected, but wanted so badly not to be true.

The rest of Psalm 32 is why I can tell this story now. Ask me about the rest of the story next time we see each other.

"Distortion" : Day #3 Lent

Then the devil took Jesus to the holy city, Jerusalem, and he had Jesus stand at the very highest point in the holy temple.

 Devil: If You are the Son of God, jump! And then we will see if You fulfill the Scripture that says, "He will command His heavenly messengers concerning You, and the messengers will buoy You in their hands So that You will not crash, or fall, or even graze Your foot on a stone."

Jesus: That is not the only thing Scripture says. It also says, “Do not put the Eternal One, your God, to the test.” - (Matthew 4:6-7) 

 I've often thought about the ways Satan tempted Jesus in this story. What struck me today is the way something pure and holy was distorted in an attempt at manipulation.

The Bible has been misused to promote so much evil over the course of history. As depicted in the Oscar winning film, 12 Years a Slave, slave owners justified their actions and racism with the Bible. Few examples exist that show how twisted this can get.

Although Satan quoted Scripture, Jesus put everything in perspective repeatedly. I love how it is translated in "The Voice". Jesus tells Satan that "that is not the only thing Scripture says." Yes! That shall become my new favorite reply to those who are so self-assured that they know exactly how to interpret a passage.

How many times have I been told, "The Bible clearly says...."? Interestingly, I cannot think of too many times when a preacher follows that with "Love your enemies." That is one of those verses where there are all kinds of elaborate explanations about why we don't really have to follow it.

Jesus replied to Satan's distortion of the Bible with His own quotes from the Bible. That really speaks to me as well. Just because someone is doing something horrible with God's word, it doesn't change the original intentions. It is the messengers delivering the distortion that are at fault, not God. I must constantly remind myself of that.

Of course, for every Christian who appealed to Scripture to oppose abolition, integration, women’s suffrage, and the acceptance of a heliocentric solar system, there were Christians who appealed to Scripture to support those things too. But these quotes should serve as a humbling reminder that rhetorical claims to the Bible’s clarity on a subject do not automatically make it so. One need not discount the inspiration and authority of Scripture to hold one’s interpretations of Scripture with an open hand.  -Rachel Held Evans, "The Bible was 'clear'.."

"Heaven Taking Charge on Earth" : Day #2 Lent

Today's reading was from Matthew 3, describing the ever so eccentric life of the man known as "John the Baptist". This prophet was calling people to repentance towards a wholehearted devotion to God. His message was simple: "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near." I heard the call to my own heart this morning as I read those words.

N.T. Wright's devotional this morning helped me define "kingdom of heaven":

"So when John the Baptist suddenly appeared, down near the river Jordan, telling people that 'heaven' was going to take charge on earth (that's what 'the kingdom of heaven' means), it's not surprising that everyone set off to find out what was going on."

I just got back from seeing the band Rend Collective play at The House of Blues, and they are absolutely wild. The energy they put into a live performance is, well, just awesome. They sang a song tonight called "Build Your Kingdom Here". As they sang, and as almost the whole audience danced along, I could hear John the Baptist's words in my mind.

This is my prayer on this second day of Lent:

"Build Your Kingdom Here"

Rend Collective Experiment

Come set Your rule and reign

in our hearts again.

Increase in us we pray.

Unveil why we're made.

Come set our hearts ablaze with hope

like wildfire in our very souls.

Holy Spirit, come invade us now.

We are Your church.

We need Your power in us.

We seek Your kingdom first.

We hunger and we thirst.

Refuse to waste our lives

for You're our joy and prize.

To see the captive hearts released.

The hurt, the sick, the poor at peace.

We lay down our lives for Heaven's cause.

We are Your church.

We pray revive this earth.

Build Your kingdom here.

Let the darkness fear.

Show Your mighty hand.

Heal our streets and land.

Set Your church on fire.

Win this nation back.

Change the atmosphere.

Build Your kingdom here.

We pray.

Unleash Your kingdom's power

reaching the near and far.

No force of Hell can stop

Your beauty changing hearts.

You made us for much more than this!

Awake the kingdom seed in us!

Fill us with the strength and love of Christ.

We are Your church.

We are the hope on earth.

Build Your kingdom here.

Let the darkness fear.

Show Your mighty hand.

Heal our streets and land.

Set Your church on fire.

Win this nation back.

Change the atmosphere.

Build Your kingdom here!

We pray!

Build Your kingdom here.

Let the darkness fear.

Show Your mighty hand.

Heal our streets and land!

Set Your church on fire!

Win this nation back.

Change the atmosphere!

Build Your kingdom here!

We pray!

"Unlikely" : Day #1 of Lent

Jessy and I started the "Lent for Everyone" reading plan today.

Each day, we'll be reading a portion of the Bible and a devotional written by N.T. Wright, and then reflecting on the application of it to our own lives. We are doing this alongside the community of many other friends in the Boston area, as well as whoever else downloads the reading plan on the Bible.com app and website. We had such an interesting conversation this morning, so I felt like maybe journalling it could be a good idea.

N.T. Wright set the tone for me this morning:

"Whenever God does something new, he involves people — often unlikely people, frequently surprised and alarmed people. He asks them to trust him in a new way, to put aside their natural reactions, to listen humbly for a fresh word and to act on it without knowing exactly how it's going to work out. That's what he's asking all of us to do this Lent."

The readings were from the first two chapters of Matthew, which basically describe how Jesus fulfilled prophesies, and how God chose to become human. And although I have read these chapters so many times, I was praying that I could listen humbly for a fresh word. Since Jessy was reading it simultaneously, we could both benefit from hearing a different perspective immediately.

Right away, it struck me that the lineage of Jesus Christ has a fair share of dysfunction! Like, daytime soap operas unedited and uncensored! For example, Tamar. She was Judah's daughter-in-law, and she evidently disguised herself as a prostitute to seduce him. Tamar's husband had died before they had an heir, so this was her wild plan to carry on the family. She had been wronged by her father-in-law Judah, and took justice in her own hands with this act of incest. It is such a crazy story! And, moments later in our reading, we read about another prostitute, named Rahab. Rahab wasn't even Jewish, but courageously saved some Israelite spies from being killed by Canaanite officials.

"Rahab, who begins as triply marginalized—Canaanite, woman, and prostitute—moves to the center as bearer of a divine message and herald of Israel in its new land. Even though later generations of readers have been squeamish about her occupation, preferring to think of her as an “innkeeper,” she is remembered in Jewish tradition as the great proselyte, as ancestress of kings and prophets, and, in the New Testament, as ancestress of Jesus."-Tikva Frymer-Kensky 

Her son, Boaz, later married Ruth, in another weird romance involving some very potent wine. After this, there is Solomon listed in the lineage. Solomon's mother was Bathsheba, who King David lusted after so violently that he had her husband ordered to the front lines of battle to be killed. So, Solomon was basically a "bastard child", and in no way born in the most noblest of circumstances.

"Unlikely people" indeed! Jesus was prophesied to come from "the line of David", but it clearly wasn't because of any prestigious accomplishments of those families. It was just another reminder that God often chooses the "foolish things of the world to confound the wise."(1Co 1:27)

Another fresh perspective that I walked away with was the special significance of the wise men's gifts to Jesus. Myrrh can be made into a healing ointment, which connects to Jesus' healing miracles. But, I also found out today that myrrh is also used to embalm corpses. Even as the wise men worshipped Jesus, who was then about 2 years old, there is a prophetic glimpse into the purpose for his birth. Born to die. Born to be embalmed with the sin of the world.

Finally, we read about how power can absolutely corrupt someone. King Herod's ordinance to kill every boy two years or younger exhibits brutality at its worst. Tears filled my eyes reading this, as I pictured a soldier coming into my home and murdering Emilio, simply as an act of power and pride. I felt like weeping along those who were "weeping and wailing and mourning out loud all day and night." When it describes that mourning as something that "will not be comforted",  I could imagine it so much more now as a father than I ever could before.

This genocide led Jessy and I to seriously question a common theology called "determinism". That basically teaches that God controls everything, and that everything that happens occurs as God pre-destines it, pre-ordains it, and that mankind does not really have any actual choice in anything. Some people describe this as "Calvinism" since John Calvin is one of history's biggest proponents of this view.

We visualized these weeping and wailing mothers, inconsolable over their sons' deaths. We contrasted that with Jesus' parents being presented with gifts of frankincense, gold, and myrrh. And it just doesn't make sense that this was how God wrote the script.

Did God really plan it this way? Did God really pre-determine all those baby boys to be born and then to die just like that?

God could have. God can do whatever God wants, whenever and however. I've never once doubted that. But, maybe He doesn't.

In this story of incarnation, I see an all-powerful Creator putting Himself in the most vulnerable position. Love for humanity is the theme of this story, a display of faithfulness to creation that seems bent on rebellion against Him. I do not see God as driving the point that His power and glory are what matter most.

A few weeks ago, I finished reading a book by Austin Fisher that dealt with these kinds of questions. Fisher wonders if our relationship with God is more about God revealing His love and faithfulness, rather than His omnipotence and glory. He writes:

"Infinite inward energy or infinite outward energy? An infinite inward collapse on Self, or an infinite giving away of Self? A Being who glorifies himself at all costs, or loves at all costs? A black hole, or a mangled Lamb? At the center of the universe, I think there's a Creator with holes in his hands, drenching the cosmos in a gratuitous downpour of love. He doesn't have to- he just wants to. It's who he is."

As we approach the Cross during this Lenten season, I am inspired to submit my questions with humility. I want to listen with ears to hear, even when God says things that turn my theology all upside down. I don't want to see things the way I've always seen them. This Lent is about responding to the unusual.