'cause I'm shaking like a leaf

My wife often says that I'm "a feeler". Well, empathy can create quite a messy floor to walk on. There is no shortage of hurt and pain around me, and my heart always wants to gravitate towards it. For sure, this is not an intentional lifestyle. It's not like I'm out to rescue anybody else, although that outlook has trapped me on occasion. But, it is like pulling a truck out of a frozen lake, standing on a thin layer of ice. Whatever heroism inspired me sure didn't make sure there was a real hero in the plot. I don't have any definitive solutions to anybody's problems.

No, I'm the somebody just hoping to get rescued. I'm sinking while pulling others out of the mud.

Days can go by where things make a whole lot of sense. Those are the times when I seem to know what I am doing and the precise reasons why I am doing them. Those days pass with little second guessing. I wouldn't say certainty overwhelms them, but I could go a long time without hitting any paralyzing doubts.

Then there are the others. The song describes it being "so hot inside my soul I swear there must be blister on my heart". This is when things just don't fit, or change comes faster than the time needed to duck and hide from wayward splints.

Yeah, I find myself there much more than I'd prefer.

Tonight, I was walking city streets with my headphones loud enough where I couldn't hear anything else. Facial expressions and mannerisms were my sole clues as to what people were talking about. It made me consider just how vague an understanding I have about so many things. Even in my most passionate and heartfelt actions, I am cloudy.

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf.