"There's always three fingers pointing back to me" Heart Therapy #10

    

      I ran into the bathroom and grabbed Elena right before she was about to fall. Her big brother was pulling the chair out from under her, and she was trying to catch her balance. The kids place little chairs in front of the bathroom sink so they can brush their teeth, and 4 year-old Emilio always carries them back into the kitchen when done. They are too heavy for 1 year-old Elena. The routine has become well-established now, and both children can follow all the steps on their own. So, last night, in my confidence in their independence, I went down the hall to get their bedtime vitamins while they brushed. 

     In my head, I pictured Elena smashing her face on the sink. Or, crashing into the tub. She was already screaming at him and distraught about the chair moving. Emilio was simply trying to do his job, and didn't consider the effect of gravity. Unfortunately, he had been irritating his little sister all day. As the chair knocked over unto the bathroom floor, and I caught Elena, there was little room for objective investigation. I immediately ordered Emilio to go sit in "time out"while I fought against angry reactions.

     This is a perfect example of why I love Jesus, and how my heart is being healed. 

     Coming almost as suddenly as my anger, God whispered stillness to my swirling emotions. My thoughts were redirected to something my Grandma Alice always use to say,

"When you point your finger at someone, blaming them, look at your hand. There are three times as many fingers pointing at you!"

I can't blame a 4 year-old for immaturity. I can't blame him for disregard to safety protocols! But, I can certainly point some fingers to me leaving a toddler unsupervised. If I had been closer to the scene, still giving them independence,  I could have prevented this. My anger really came down to not getting what I wanted out of the situation. I wanted to multi-task. I wanted to speed up bedtime. I wanted peace and quiet.

     The searchlight of Holy Spirit showed me more. Remember the anger I felt because of so and so? Remember the anger and frustration because of this and this? Remember the dissatisfaction because of...? Remember the finger pointing?

"What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them." (James 4:1-2)

Healing doesn't necessarily feel comforting. Often there is a great deal of pain associated. I love Jesus because He loves me in truth, and truth usually stings. This is the refining fire that forges the strongest steel, and the transformative pressure that causes diamonds.