Part Four : "Fear"

It would be a big fat lie if I said I wasn't afraid of anything. There are many things that freak me out. FREAK me out. I kind of want to go see "The Conjuring" film, but then again...

Just the other night, around 2am or so, Jessy and I were awakened to what sounded like knocking on our bedroom door. We just moved into one of those historic "triple deckers" in Dorchester, and are not yet used to all the sounds. Things creak. Doors slam from mysterious wind gusts. Walls seem to conduct sounds from who knows where in the neighborhood. All these unfamiliars are way heightened at 2am.

At first, I just sorted the knocking sound along with all the other weird noises of the house. Then, it was louder. And, by then, both Jessy and I were awake and trying to figure out if we were dreaming the same nightmare.

Another knock, this one louder. The knocking is clearly not just a strange sound, but as if someone is actually knocking on our bedroom door to see if someone is there.

I was going over and over in my head us locking all the doors before we went to sleep. We had put both the kids to bed and their door was fully shut. We would have heard one of them break the child-proof lock and open it. Our baby monitor was on and working.

The week before this, my car was broken into. So, one of the unfamiliar things is what our new neighborhood is like after dark.

The third time the knocking happened caused me to stand up beside my bed. I wanted to pull the covers over my head. I thought of all the possible worst case scenarios, and realized that I was only wearing my boxers. What's so funny about that, is that in my mind, I felt like I should be dressed to properly encounter a burglar! But, then I also realized that I really had nothing to defend myself against a burglar. So, maybe the sight of my extremely pale torso would alarm him?!

I was scared. I remember telling Jessy that I had to go check on the kids. I felt like I couldn't possibly protect myself without first protecting them. Although, I really, really, really did not want to open that door.

And, this is the part where things are different for me now, as compared to before Jesus was my King. I was scared. But, while all the worst case scenarios were running through my head, there were also hundreds of promises I've heard Jesus tell me.

(Romans 8:37-39) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons . . . will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(James 4:7) Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

(1Peter 5:8) Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith...

(Psalm 27:1) The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Now, all that might seem like quite a big stretch to some people. Demons? Satan?

Well, we can have that conversation another time. But, one of the main reasons I love Jesus is that He set me free from evil. Sure, there are millions of superstitions, and millions more to be imagined. it doesn't change the reality that there is a dimension that is beyond the physical, and there are good and evil beings. I don't honestly want to know all about the evil, but I am comforted to know that Jesus has the ultimate victory. And I belong to Jesus.

So, because I know Jesus is greater than all my fear, I was able to face them. It may sound silly, but I was able to open the bedroom door and get out of my head's nightmares. And, I'll admit to having many more fears, some worse than that over my lifetime. I love Jesus because He already knows all about them. Even in the darkest places of my warped mind, His power has rearranged them to freedom.

I wish more followers of Jesus would talk about these things. People need to know that they don't have to live in the bondage of fear. Yeah, it sounds super strange to discuss demons. I get that. But we all love to talk about angels, don't we?

Anyway, there was an actual physical knocking of our bedroom door that night. It wasn't all in our heads. Emilio, our 4 year old, had peed his bed, and came looking for us to help him. He wasn't used to the house yet either, so he was knocking on different doors to find our bedroom. Because I was so relieved, I wasn't even the slightest upset that I had to make his bed again at 2am in the morning. I'll take urine over those other thoughts every time!

Now, anybody want to go see that movie with me? :)