Part Seven : "The Child-Filled Life Has It All"

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday. Not that I didn't have any time. I actually had plenty of time, since I am in the middle of my summer break. But, I have kids. And, the general consensus is that kids get in the way of what parents really want to do.

Before I had children:

• I used to be able to do pretty much whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted
• romance was spontaneous 
• I slept for more than a few hours each night 
• I traveled to far-away lands
• leaving the house took less than several hours
• I tasted my food while dining out
• showers were safer, since I wasn't stepping on or slipping on toys
• I took more showers!
• my kitchen floor was not coated with sticky substances
• my Netflix "Suggestions" were not exclusively filled with purple dinosaurs
• I could remember what I forgot
• I had fewer worries, and way more money. 

Basically, having children wrecked my life. 

The crazy thing is that Jessy and I have to jump over mountains to get to this place. We seem to be surrounded by people who have kids using the Staples "EASY" button. Either God has that item on backorder for us, or it's just not available in our universe's marketplace. Both Jessy and I are infertile.

That means even when we are insane enough to want to grow our family, we have to get roomfuls of strangers to give us their approval. We have to go through emotional roller coasters of referrals and waiting. There are months and months of meetings, doctor visits, tests, tests, more tests, meetings, and then more visits. There is poking and prodding. The science of IVF is awesome, it's true, but it is a bit dehumanizing. It's all numbers and probability.

It forces us to agonize over each decision. What logical mind chooses to inject giant hormone-filled needles in exchange for lottery-like chances of pregnancy? For more mouths to feed? For more screams to endure?

It really doesn't make sense. The child-free life actually does appear to be easier and more enjoyable. That is why I know that my life needs to be wrecked.

I was reading about a time when Jesus got angry. Yep, Jesus angry. It had to do with children.

As usual, crowds were gathering around to hear Jesus teach, and all the mature adults were soaking it all in. Then children showed up, probably started acting all childlike and immature, and the adults got frustrated. Adults grow up to like things particular ways, and try to limit too many uncontrollable things. Children bring chaos. It's a hard match.

So, of course, the adults try to preserve their orderly environment with acts of disapproval toward the kids' parents. I imagine them lecturing the parents about how important, or maybe even, how sacred the place was because of Jesus.

One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them. ( Mark 10:14 )

People who choose not to have children have been called selfish. I think that is an unfair generalization, and I'd never conclude that. I'm selfish, I know that for sure. I definitely do not openly embrace this parenting role. Many, many times I've wished to escape.

That gets me right to the root of the matter. Even though it is a far more complicated, sometimes exhausting existence being around children, it is a far better life. It is better because it wrecks us. And that is better because we are all selfish when it comes to how we choose to live.

I'm not talking about just having or not having kids. I'm talking about our stubborn will to control this journey. Whether it be parenting or any other factor, we squeeze out the possibility for the miraculous. We fight so hard against any unexpected variables.

Being around children has brought me deeper and deeper into dependency in God's supernatural power. Not because I'm more spiritual, but because I'm so much more aware of my need! I'm desperate for peace, and can see clearer now that peace is not available on Earth. I'm desperate for comfort, and see that Jesus has always wanted to provide that to me.

I love Jesus because He does not leave me to follow my own assumptions. My grip is weakening. It is the experiences of things like parenting that weaken it. I am letting go of asserting my independence, and all the turmoil that comes with that lonely battle.

And, before you judge me an unfit father, please know that I could list thousands of examples of the blessings of my children. Those also point me to God, and deepen my love for Him. It's not an argument though. There are going to be countless editorials written now about that Time magazine article. I'm almost positive that conservative radio and tv is going to go nuts over it. It is not a debate though. Let's be real. This thing is a beautiful mess, not opposing sides.